A beautiful and honest poem shared with Miles For Mind by one of our team members. We thank you for being brave enough to share your story and we applaud your strength.
When Darkness Came Knocking
Every day is the same as the last, it seems to stand so still
Each memory painful from my past
I felt a dark cloud appear one day which took me by surprise
I worried about my dear son and others views of our lives
The fear was overwhelming when the cloak of darkness came
It took my breath away as people thought I was insane
A professional woman strong and bold
A UK Veteran too
A mother full of love with a good kind heart – inside I was falling apart
Darkness engulfing my soul
I couldn’t move and think it through
The confusion and illness paralysed me
A tormented statue
No light in sight not even a flicker
My mind continued to get sicker
No thoughts came to mind not even one- the darkness was laughing it thought it had won
In reality – the battle had just begun
I paced the floor night after night – crying uncontrollable with no vision in sight
I reached out to many -but they could not see through my pain and pleads – it was true you see
I was scared and confused and wondered…Why was I not worthy?
I was feeling mocked, shamed and disgraced for an illness I couldnt control
Watching society from my dark desperate hole
Am I not worthy of compassion?
Isolation and fear became the norm -there were no words – I felt alone
The darkness had took me – no thoughts were in sight – deep in the depths
Failure and torment was all I could might
No matter how hard I tried to control my mind
There was no meaning – only emptiness
I no longer had a soul – a living mess
I sat in the doctors no word of a lie and told him it was over…it was time to die
My eyes were black my mind had gone
I couldn’t see how I could carry on
My son sat beside me holding my hand he said mum I need you -I love you please try and hold on
I sat with no emotion my eyes dark with fear
My son -my world – it was time to conquer fear
I knew I must find the strength to push past this state
Not become another statistic in a cruel test of fate
I continued to work throughout my pain helping others was my main aim
1 in 4 would suffer the same
I could not bear to see someone suffer like me
I took it step by step – minute by minute & hour by hour to recover from this nothingness and complete my duty
The fear that made me cower was losing to me
The light slowly returned I could see hope through the trees a beacon of light calling me please..
So my friends remember you are never alone
Help is there for you too – just pick up the phone
I can help you break free from the turmoil & discontent to enable you to live fully with positive intent
Written by Carol Harte